"i wanted to give you something someday..." a light of certainty glimmered through the his eyes. "when I'm ready... i surely wanted to give you a ring."
his thoughts flowed like he was just talking to himself. within the lines i tried to absorb each word with sincerity and belief, but there was a tone, some sort of subtlety of the words he used that seemed so real yet a sign of caution has hung over its panorama.
i tried to reply to what he said but my breath seemed empty from a long sigh of disbelief. Someone said to me that it was impossible to put certainty in your own words much less to the words of others. At that time i contested and tried to disregard what seem a universal fact and i just made possible the certainties of my own words and thoughts to make myself believe and hope for the certainty of the things that i would hear from other people... from people i wanted to believe... from the people i love...
i smiled back at the promise that felt bittersweet but also gave out a blank look of exhaustion. i held his hands tight and i prayed that he felt the exact confusion that stirred in my mind. he didn't. he smiled back with the assurance that rested in all of his outward expressions and kissed me on the forehead ever so softly...
but that was almost 2 months ago...
now, everything that i hoped to believe in was just another person that passed by my life... another person who lived up to the expectation of everyone except my own, held my hand while predicting a future that evaporated in just one moment. no turning back, no confusions, no questions, not even a second thought of what if we could try to work things out, just a simple farewell that ordinary people do, without even thinking if we will ever cross each others path again.
"hi, i was thinking if i could borrow your back-pack this weekend." he asked after what seemed the longest stand by i ever encountered my entire life. "I'll be using it to get my things to my new place."
i don't know what he expects me to say. i don't know if he's aware that he was not just another person that passed by my life. i don't know if he has even the slightest idea that through the short course of us being together, i have fallen deeply in love with him, that even if he would promise me the stars at night i would blindly believe and will wait for him to pull them down for me.
"sure... you could get it tomorrow" i answered with my mind in a state of vacuity. i didnt realized ive been talking too much when i was halted when he cut me short of whatever desperate act of holding on to a conversation that i wanted to lead to something about our separation.
"thanks, ill just call you tomorrow. bye." a sturdy tone that passed through the ear piece of my phone lingered and with no turning back, with no confusion, with no other question, not even a second thought he just pressed the disconnect button to cut the line like ordinary people do.