spending a night with rambunctious classmates!!!

after extremely preparing for what i'm going to wear for this much awaited Business Law Presentation in school... i didn't realize how much more than what i'm going to put on will be the butt of all the happenings of this dreaded report... for one... i have prepared a list of possible suits that would either make or break the whole feel of professionalism... so i went for a classic dolce pin stripe 3-button black suit... and then since i've spent most of my time deciding on what suit to wear i only had a day to shop for the long-sleeves and a scrumpy neck tie... i got myself a gray and while vertical stripes shirt in armani exchange and a diagonal black and white striped tie in banana republic... (so i was in stripes on stripes... where did i here that one before????)

and then for the report itself, which took me lesser time to prepare for than the actual get-up (so... typical...) i drudged my sick and hypo-ventilating friend to be the clown in one of the dramatization movie clip that is going to be the ice-breaker of the very serious matter of our discussion...

all set...

the report flowed as planned... but not as boring as i expected... then it came to my mind how competitive these nincompoops are, so the group decided on impulse to begin a debate... which made the class rise with enthusiasm...

so at this point... which is the juice of the blog... i hope anybody who reads this with an IQ level above the average stupid person can react on what they think is the better side...

The question is... IS MINIMUM WAGE LAW A GOOD OR BAD LAW?

well... i'm only going to discuss my side of the argument... hehehehe

first thing is that, i gave an example to the class... here it goes...

this is for people who like higher minimum wage...

if you were a company that fills balloons with carbon dioxide and you wanted to outsource this service having to choose between man power in Cebu and man power in Zamboanga... we all know that Cebu has a higher minimum wage than Zamboanga... where would you outsource the blowing of balloons??? (to people who's still with me and who obviously should have a goal to profit... you would go for the place where a lower minimum wage governs... good for Zamboanga... bad for Cebu...)

if this would be in an international scale... you could now understand why CHINA is getting to be a scary competitor in manual labor... one thing there are too many chinese (i've heard that if all chinese in china jumped at the same time, they could create a tidal wave that could engulf the whole of California... hmmm... talk about secret weapon!) next would be they have cheap labor... just imagine if the chinese would be as fluent in english as the Filipinos are... GOODBYE CALL CENTER INDUSTRY!!!!!

now... this is for people who like lower minimum wage...

if we try to make the minimum wage lower... this is what would usually happen... a simple saleslady in a department store, a guy who sells TAHO, an ironing lady working for a laudry shop and a simple computer science graduate working as an encoder... MAY ALL HAVE THE SAME WAGES!!!! is that fair????

so the group stand is that... high or low minimum wage does not give the proper economic logic as to how commodities should bought or sold... the only and un-debatable way to determine how much labor would cost is by using the LAW OF SUPPLY AND DEMAND... stating that for anything that has a high demand... a higher price should be put on it... and for anything that has low demand... a lower price should be put on it... anything that has an abundant supply a lower cost should be on top of it and anything that is scare a higher price should be on top of it...

very realistic and very logical...

well... everybody in class seem to be more sympathetic and sentimental on their way of thinking... looking at humanity and morals and human rights... blah blah blah...

i say if we pretend that we are taking care of Filipinos by spoon feeding them of what they want... then we can never move to the next step... we're doing more bad than good... the only way to make these people work and think of their lives is when we teach them how to live and not to tolerate how they suck the life force out of other people's effort and money...

bottom line, you should earn your money...

damianne... do you have a boyfriend??? argh!!!!

so it started with the most boring holloween party i've ever since the birth of the damn occasion... got a friend who invited me over to this party in manila... i think this is the 3rd holloween stint i've attended to this year... he told me it's going to start at 9pm so i decided to be a bit late just to make sure that it's already pumped up... but behold... i was the second guy who got there... WTF!!!

the place was a bit dark... they made it that way to make room for the revolving lights and flashing flood lamps... it was quite cool at first but then this really old guy who looks like the CRYPT KEEPER!!! (reminds me of jamie lee curtis in freaky friday) who suddenly took control of the music and popped in a horrific 70's or 80's rave disco (i dont know what the hell you call it) music!!! and everybody seemed nostalgic and started to have fun...

again WTF!!!!????

so like the little ole me... i pretended to be polite and just smiled my way through the night... and with 5 shots of tequila (which is the answer to all the world's questions...) the night because more and more bearable...

and there's this cute guy who offered his services...

to drop me home... bwahahaha... (you dirty little perverts!!!!)

so that's the friday well spent... geeezzzz...

i woke up really late the next day... around 2:30 in the afternoon... i got tons of messages in my phone and one of them reminded me that some of my MBA classmates where about to go to my place to finalize our report that's the due the following monday... i got up as soon as everything sank in my brains and took a quick shower... a couple of hours later two of my girl group mates were knocking at my door...

they brought pizza and pasta!!! (heaven sent these two over grown angels...) so the meal i was having a problem thinking where to get just dropped by my place... hehehehe...

so after the meal we started brianstorming and made revisions and tweaked the powerpoint presentation we were about to give in class... and then one of them asked me something that made my weekend of weirdness complete...

girl 1: ummm... she's about to ask you something dame...

dame: what about?

girl 2: i'm kinda shy to ask...

OMG!!! i have this gut feeling i know what was about to come out of those perky little mouth of that girl...

OKAY... rewind!!! lemme give you a bit of background... i'm usually not out to strangers... i mean, if they ask me i would certainly not deny my being gay... but as long as i'm not fucking you... it's NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS... and most of my MBA classmate either doesn't have a clue or they just too polite to assume... CONTROVERSIAL is the exact word for it... and it's beginning to get old!!!

going back to the story...

dame: what is it?

girl 2: do you have a boyfriend?

i was on the verge of bursting out my silliest laugh... but thank got i got control of my self and answered back with some may think made the CONTROVERSY even worse!

dame: nope... why are you planning on something?

there a moment of silence and work on the project just resumed... talk about weird people just appearing from no where... i mean... come on!!! of all people i thought these MBA classmates of mine where smarter than the rest of the young working class in manila... i thought they were the ones who could get away with anything so subtly you'll never know what hit you...

but this was too lame... and that made me a bit frustrated... they could have just directly asked... "DAME ARE YOU GAY?" there end of story... a simple yes or no would clear the dense air that has been clouding them ever since day one in our class... and for the love of G!!!! a question like that just being thrown in the air just to appease their freaking curiosity is way to... NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS to me... (well... it's a different story if a cute guy would ask me that... hahahaha... come on... give me a break!!!)

end of it all... i cant do anything as of now because we need to work as a team and anything resembling to frustration and resentment might risk our team some precious Business Law grades...

i guess they finally decided to say sorry when they left the rest of the pizza and pasta with me... so after they left i've been munching them the whole saturday night...

i just can't wait to see them again on monday... i'm just eager to see how the rumors will spread... RUMORS??? i mean... FACTS will spread... hihihihi...

this year's all hollows eve...

the day was as boring as any other working day... needed to complete projects that were pending and had to talk to oblivious project managers along the way... then i got an e-mail from one of my business professors in school asking us to answer this trivia game that she's giving away that would PROBABLY... lemme repeat that... probably give us extra freaking points... so i got around 3 sure bets... lemme see... there's carrie, then what lies beneath and gothika... some popular horror movies... i mean... no offense to the "POPULAR" part but i'm a fan of slasher movies... the more gooowie blood splashed around the place the better...

we still have a few hours to go to submit our guesses... sigh... boring...

then i had to go to the yearly CREAM party of BIGFISH... not really a big fan... all those straight people... just even thinking about it makes me itchy and start to get hives... (itchy...itchy...itchy...)

it just so happen that one of my classmates in MBA was one of the owners or founders or employee of BIGFISH... not really sure... again i was initially not interested... so everybody in class wanted to support the event that was a yearly flop for the production company (i don't know why they keep on doing this EVERY YEAR!!!!)

so after work... had dinner in greenbelt with a friend... who's dying to see what i'm going to wear... well let's admit it... like REGINA GEORGE and the rest of the MEAN GIRLS... holloween is the time of year that anybody can wear something slutty and not be considered a total whore... maybe just a little...

and the transformation began... starting from my suede doll shoes... knee high socks... yellow and white checkered pleated skirt... a white hanging sailor collared shirt... a leather back pack and a shoulder length pitch black wig... all combined together would create the image of an innocent high school girl... yummy!!!!

i gathered all my guts to even muster the thought of it and finally came to the party... it was a mixture of total embarrassment and extreme excitement...

well... i'm mostly embarrassed so i took the "get up" off 2 hours after hiding in a spot where the beating lights doesnt reach...

argh!!!! same old same old parties... just like last year and the year before that...

met a couple of hotties in the party... usually straight one... NOT INTERESTED! then i was introduce to some celebrities... that i'm fully unaware that they were... (I DON'T WATCH LOCAL TV)

had a few drinks... danced a little... and went straight home and into the SACK!!!

argh!!!! same old same old... just like last year and the year before that...

name that tune...

... 7:00 am ...

the sun was about to peek thru the morning clouds when i started to feel sleepy... i buried myself into the sheets of my bed and in a moment i floated to a tired slumber...

... i found myself in a room...small...damped and i heard a voice...

"you know where you are... do you?" the sound seem to come from all the four walls that enclosed that small place... at the background was a melody... i recognize the sound... seems like a song...

the door was in front of me... i tried to open it but i wouldn't nudge...

"if you want to get out you need to tell me the title of the song..." a trembling voice thundered through the walls... i began to breath heavily... im beginning to feel the rush inside me...the song was inside my head... i knew what i was... then the door opened...i found myself in another room... there weren't any furniture inside, just another room...

"if you want to get out you need to tell me the title of the song..." the voice told me again... but i knew what it was... and the door of the bigger room opened...

then i went out and it got me into a hall way where i saw the voice... i saw the man who was telling me to guess the song... i ran like busted radio... it ran over and over... it started to hurt my head...

now i had no idea what it was... i started to feel sick... i felt dizzy... the room began to look crooked... and i realized that i was dreaming...


... 10:00am ...

i found myself lying on my side... i couldn't move my legs nor my hands... i felt i was trapped... my eyes rolled to see that i was in fact inside my own room... i took a deep breath and kicked myself into motion...

i got up at once and got into my jeans, took the keys of my room and hurriedly went out of the house to get some air...


... 12:00nn ...

i had all the ingredients ready... marinated beef... some cooking oil and a hot pan... i poured the oil on the pan and seared the meat... i tilted the pan a bit on the side and suddenly the flame jumped into the pan and burst into a big flare...

i was kept speechless... my instinct told to reach for the switch and turn off the gas valve... and i did... but my roommate came rushing towards the pan and grabbed the handle... he was in total panic... the flame hasn't subsided and his frantic attempt to put it off just left him waving the flaming pan everywhere... my head was blank... all it could think of was how to get out of that room... thinking that any moment he could disgorge the scalding hot oil on me...

"if you want to get out you need to tell me the title of the song..." the man's voice suddenly popped inside my head... it was just like in my dream... but there was no sound that i could hear... just the swooshing blaze of the flame...

it wasn't that long when i opened the door near the sink and a rush of cold air stretched inside the room and in a blink the flame went out...

my roommate was still in shock...

i was still trying to figure out what the song was...

like ordinary people do...

"i wanted to give you something someday..." a light of certainty glimmered through the his eyes. "when I'm ready... i surely wanted to give you a ring."

his thoughts flowed like he was just talking to himself. within the lines i tried to absorb each word with sincerity and belief, but there was a tone, some sort of subtlety of the words he used that seemed so real yet a sign of caution has hung over its panorama.

i tried to reply to what he said but my breath seemed empty from a long sigh of disbelief. Someone said to me that it was impossible to put certainty in your own words much less to the words of others. At that time i contested and tried to disregard what seem a universal fact and i just made possible the certainties of my own words and thoughts to make myself believe and hope for the certainty of the things that i would hear from other people... from people i wanted to believe... from the people i love...

i smiled back at the promise that felt bittersweet but also gave out a blank look of exhaustion. i held his hands tight and i prayed that he felt the exact confusion that stirred in my mind. he didn't. he smiled back with the assurance that rested in all of his outward expressions and kissed me on the forehead ever so softly...

but that was almost 2 months ago...

now, everything that i hoped to believe in was just another person that passed by my life... another person who lived up to the expectation of everyone except my own, held my hand while predicting a future that evaporated in just one moment. no turning back, no confusions, no questions, not even a second thought of what if we could try to work things out, just a simple farewell that ordinary people do, without even thinking if we will ever cross each others path again.

"hi, i was thinking if i could borrow your back-pack this weekend." he asked after what seemed the longest stand by i ever encountered my entire life. "I'll be using it to get my things to my new place."

i don't know what he expects me to say. i don't know if he's aware that he was not just another person that passed by my life. i don't know if he has even the slightest idea that through the short course of us being together, i have fallen deeply in love with him, that even if he would promise me the stars at night i would blindly believe and will wait for him to pull them down for me.

"sure... you could get it tomorrow" i answered with my mind in a state of vacuity. i didnt realized ive been talking too much when i was halted when he cut me short of whatever desperate act of holding on to a conversation that i wanted to lead to something about our separation.

"thanks, ill just call you tomorrow. bye." a sturdy tone that passed through the ear piece of my phone lingered and with no turning back, with no confusion, with no other question, not even a second thought he just pressed the disconnect button to cut the line like ordinary people do.

holding on to a little boy's life

Saturday - 10:45am

we finally arrived at the pier... the place was crowded, everyone was excited to get to the earliest boat to the beach... a guy approached us, trying to offer their boat transfer service but we bought the one that would leave in 15 minutes...

11:30am

i noticed a cute little kid, around 2 yrs old... he was wearing the coolest pair of shades and the hippest blue polo... i could see he was with his family... his yaya was holding him... he was the center of attention because of how cute he really is...

dame: look pam... ang cute nung baby... (look pam... look how cute the baby...)

pam: oo nga eh... (yes he is...)

we stared a couple of minutes more...

12:15pm

i stood up, stretching my back... we were in that boat for more than an hour but it seemed that we were still in the middle of the sea... everybody was anxious to step on the hot sand of the beach shore... and then the unimaginable happened...

something snapped... a big wave hit the opposite side of the boat... it rocked once and everything started to move in slow motion... i was still standing as the boat turned to one side, i can see people falling towards the side where the water gushed in... my eyes were fixed on the bunk where all the life vests were, i saw my bags being swallowed by the water but forgot about it when i grabbed one life vest... i had no time to put it on so i wrapped my arms around it and i froze in fear...

"this is how i'm going to die... this is it..." i consoled myself while i turned to look at the faint light above me... i felt the water rise up to my throat as the boat turned upside down... something pulled or pushed me up, i didn't know if it was the bouyant life vest or i kicked my way out of that unmerciful waters... the next thing i saw was an overturned boat with people screaming everywhere... and then my heart stopped when i tried looking for my friends but can't see any of them...

i stepped on the capsized boat and scanned the area... i cannot explain the relief i felt when i saw PAM behind me... i pulled her up the boat as she was struggling to be afloat...

dame: asan sila pam!!!??? (where are they pam)

pam: dame... ayun si arianne... (there's arianne)

i saw arianne and kris together... they were safe... but we were 5...

dame: pam... asan si marianne!!!??? (pam, where is marianne?)

my heart sank deep inside me... i could not imagine losing a friend that way... i scanned the area another time and i saw marianne holding for her life at one of the "katigs" (outrigger) that balances the boat... the big waves made the outrigger sink and rise and so does marianne...

dame: marianne... swim ka papunta dito sa ginta... (marianne, swim here in the middle)

marianne: di ako makalangoy dame!!! (i can't swim dame)

i could see the fear that over took her... she was stunned in every way... i gathered all my courage and counted to three before i let go of the boat to swim to get her... she took my hand and i guided her safely to the over turned boat... we were all safe... i held PAM's hands trying to understand what exactly happened that short five minutes along that thin line between life and death... and then i realize that it wasn't over...

that whole time i was just thinking of the five of us... i was just thinking that all of us should be safe... but i realized that we were not just five people in that boat... we were more than 50...

i heard somebody scream to the top of her faint breathing...

monica: tulungan niyo kami!!! may mga bata sa loob!!! (help us, there are children inside)

horror filled my whole body when i realized that the capsized boat held inside it the other passengers who didn't make it out of the water... i remembered the little cute baby with his shades on... the 3 other kids that was with him... my head began to hurt... fighting with reason and what seem to be any way that i could help... when you have already saved yourself and your loved ones, you can't stop there and stand waiting for a miracle to happen... we were in the middle of the sea and no rescue in sight... dead people float with froth coming out of their noses and mouths... and the image of those little kids was just one thing i tried to fight out of my head...

i saw the couple take turns as they tried to swim underneath the boat and look for their children inside... i know how to swim, i know how to dive... but i was too scared to take off my life vest... i was too scared to help... i looked at the shocked faces of my friends... PAM sitting on top of the boat, staring at the sea towards the horizon, looking like she already lost her life...

pam: dame... may dadating bang rescue??? (dame, is there somebody going to get us?)

dame: meron pam... meron darating... (someone's on their way pam)

i answered even though i knew that hope seem to be just an inkling from uncertainty... but i tried to console her... and then it hit me... that i can do something... even if damianne has proven himself to be a coward i thought i could be the least coward of us...

aiza: tulungan niyo kami... yung daddy ko... (help us, my dad)

i saw a man with his mouth filled with froth floating beside the boat... his eyes were staring straight up... lifeless... i pulled him up and gave him to his daughter to secure... i heard another man screaming...

ramon: yung nanay ko!!! (my mom!)

i pulled her up the boat as well... i didn't know where i got all that strength, but for whatever was left of it i tried to use it to do something... anything... it must have been 30minutes of wailing and screaming and then we noticed that nobody's on their way to save us... you think that you have already secured your safety when everyone has a hold of the floating boat, but each moment ticked like a time bomb when we noticed that the boat isn't going to be afloat forever... it was sinking... slowly...

2:15pm

after what seem like forever... two rescue boats appeared towards us... they threw life vests in every direction and each one i grabbed and made sure that all my friends had one... i grabbed PAM who was still sitting on top of the sinking boat and together we boarded one... my heaving started to calm down when a couple of minutes later one of the crew handed us a little baby... that little baby boy PAM and I was staring at... he looked like he was just sleeping... his eyes were half open... staring towards nothing... he looked anything but dead... the crew placed him on the bench on the right side of the boat and i started what i thought would save him... i started to pump his little baby chest...

dame: 1... 2... 3... 4... 5...

then i blew a big breath in his mouth while pinching his little baby nose...

pam: sige pa dame... buhay pa siya dame... (don't stop dame, he's still alive)

pam kept on telling me that he was still alive... and anybody who would look at him would believe the same thing... his fingers were as pink as mine... his toes had the color of life on it... he wasn't cold and we wasn't blue... he seemed to be sleeping... i tried feeling his pulse from his neck and i swore i felt something... something beating... i felt hopeful... it seemed that my question before was answered... "why did i survive???" i knew that i survived to save this little boy's life... and i was not about to stop anytime soon... for every pump i gave his tiny heart, froth came out of his little baby nose... i sucked the froth out and blew more air in him... it went on for another 25minutes... i pumped 5 times, i sucked the froth out and i blew air... i never stopped...

pam: baby... baby... malapit na tayo... gising ka na baby... (we're almost near baby, please wake up)

dame: baby please... fight...

pam: dame, sige pa... don't stop...

my knees were sore as i knelt in fron of him for more that 25minutes while trying to fight hope against hope that he is still alive... i pumped, i sucked and i blew... remembering every detail of CPR i could recall...

pam: ayan na tayo baby... ang lapit na natin... hold on baby!!! (here we are baby, we're really near. please don't let go...)

pam screamed as the shore appeared from site... and finally when the boat was near enough we held the baby in our arms and made our way to the shore barefoot... i could feel how hot the sand was but it didn't matter... we were looking for the doctor... when we saw the man in the white coat we pleaded... like our own lives were on the line...

dame: meron pa po siyang pulse... meron pa siyang heartbeat... (he still has a pulse... he still has a heartbeat...)

the doctor instructed us to lay him down and he got his stethoscope out to find a heartbeat...

doctor: meron pa siyang heartbeat... antayin natin yung ambulance... (he still has a heartbeat... we should wait for the ambulance to arrive)

i didn't believe what i just heard... how many more minutes until that ambulance would arrive???

pam: dame halika na... mag tricycle na tayo... (we don't have time dame... come on let's get a tricycle)

we ran to hail a tricycle and got the first one we saw...

dame: kuya... sa hospital po... bilisan natin... (sir... to the nearest hospital, hurry)

pam: sir wala po kaming pera pambayad... (we don't have any money to pay you...)

the driver didn't seem to be bothered of the fact that we don't have anything with us and he drove as fast as he could to the nearest clinic... we continued pumping inside the tricycle... until we were brought to the clinic...

dame: asan ang doctor??? this kid still has a pulse... (where's the doctor???)

the people in the clinic panicked... there was no oxygen tank... hope slowly drifted away from us... but we were already in the clinic to give up... the doctor followed a few minutes later... he looked at the baby...

doctor: wala na yan... dilated na yung pupils niya... (he's gone... his pupils are already dilated...)

dame: this kid still has a pulse and a faint heartbeat... why do you keep on telling us that he's dead????!!!!

i did what i think no doctor experienced in their lives... i grabbed the doctor's stethoscope... and gave the ear piece to PAM and made her try to look for the heartbeat... we looked for hope thru that little hearing device...

dame: pam may naririnig ka ba??? (can you hear anything pam???)

pam: wala akong marinig dame... wala na akong marinig... (i can't hear anything dame... i can't hear anything...)

the hope that i was holding on that long slowly faded away... the rush of trying to save a life... trying to save an innocent baby's life... trying to keep his little baby heart beating, slowly faded to desperation... "why did you die and we lived???" it kept on and on in my head... he was sleeping lifeless on that hospital bed with light blue sheets...

i started to feel the exhaustion... i started to feel the aches in my joints... i held the little baby's little lifeless hands and curled myself beside him... he never lost his warmth... the warmth that a normal living person has... the warmth that made PAM and I kept on believing that he is still alive... but he is gone now... the thought repeated inside my head like a sick ticker clock... i tried to remember everything we did... i tried to remember if we did something wrong... if we missed something along that course of saving... or are we just fooling ourselves all the while...

i wiped the last few bubbles that came out of his angelic nose... i covered his eyes with the palm of my hands and tried to close the lids slowly... i whispered to his little baby ears... while i lie there waiting for his mother to arrive...

dame: baby... it's ok... sama ka na kay papa jesus... (it's ok baby... you can go with papa jesus now...)