what the hell are you doing all alone?

i don't know if life would give me the chance to be happy... or to stay happy...

i have been living it for the past 23 years and destiny seems to take his time to even bother and give me a chance to be happy and to stay happy...

i coursed the whole ride and I'm still stuck in the middle of "where the fuck am i going???" before it seems that time was just a thing that passes by but now, now that Ive been wasting so much time for something that only leads me to the beginning, i feel that life is pulling be back to the time that i was all alone... a time that i felt all alone... surrounded by people but was never with someone... cared for by everyone but never loved by somebody... much of everything but none of that things that matter...

solitude is a pain that grows... deep... buries itself to the pit of your soul and asks the big question... " WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ALL ALONE???"

"how can you pretend that you don't want to kiss him... to hold him... to keep him forever yours?"

"how can you pretend that you don't need him?"

"HOW CAN YOU PRETEND THAT YOU DON'T LOVE HIM ANYMORE?"

for the fact that you believe... or wanted to believe in all the pretensions...

I've tried to cry many times... I've tried to burst into an angry sob, for all the ruthlessness that destiny has been revealing to me and for all that he still has in store for me... but my heart was hardened by so many hurts... so many expectations... so many disappointments...

and now that i pick up each piece of my broken dreams... my broken hopes... those broken promises... my lonely and broken heart... i don't even want to expect anything that might happen tomorrow...

and happiness is just merely a thing of the past...