A Real Boyfriend

I remember how you were and I'm sure you are still.

When I stare at his mouth... HE KISSES ME...

When I lay my hand on his shoulder... HE TILTS HIS HEAD TO KISS ME...

When I look into his eyes... HE WOULD NOT LOOK AWAY UNTIL I WOULD...

When I mess up his hair... HE WOULD PIN ME DOWN AND TICKLE ME UNTIL I STOP...

When I'm about to go to sleep... HE SENDS ME A MESSAGE...

When I just got up from bed... I GET HIS GOODMORNING FROM MY PHONE...

When I'm quiet... HE ASKS ME WHAT'S WRONG...

When I ignore him... HE MAKES FACES TO GET MY ATTENTION...

When I push him away... HE PULLS ME BACK AND NEVER LETS GO...

When I walk away from him... HE NEVER STOPS FOLLOWING ME...

When I ask him if I look good... HE SAYS I LOOK DAMN HOT...

When I wake up all sluggish in the morning... HE TELLS HOW GOODLOOKING I AM...

When my eyes start to fill with tears... HE WOULD HOLD ME AND MAKE ME FEEL BETTER...

When he sees me crying... HE WOULD ASK WHO HE WOULD PUNCH THIS TIME...

When I least expect he's there... HE SNEAKS UP AND HUGS ME FROM BEHIND...

When I tell him a secret... HE WOULD KEEP IT SAFE AND UNTOLD FOREVER...

When I call him late at night... HE NEVER PUTS DOWN THE PHONE UNTIL I DO...

When I'm scared... HE HOLDS MY HAND TIGHT...

When I wear his favorite shirt... HE LETS ME KEEP IT FOR A DAY...

When I watch my favorite anime series... HE WATCHES IT WITH ME EVEN IF HE DOESN'T LIKE IT...

When I'm bored... HE HANGS OUT WITH ME...

When I tease him... HE TEASES ME BACK AND MAKES ME LAUGH...

When I pause to answer... HE REASSURES ME THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE OK...

When I look at him with doubt... HE BACKS UP HIS STORIES WITH THE TRUTH...

When I tell him I'm OK... HE WOULDN'T BELIEVE ME...

When I tell him I like him... HE KNOWS MORE THAN HE COULD UNDERSTAND...

When I tell him I love him... HE TELLS ME HE LOVES ME MORE...

One Against A Million Reasons

A knock at the door got me up from an afternoon of doing nothing but stare at the ceiling. A man that i used to know was standing behind it as i opened it and stared some more.

Dame: Hello.
Yoshi: Hi... I don't know where else to go.

I stared at him for a few more minutes. His eyes were watery and his lips were trembling.

Dame: I'm sorry, yes come in.

I saw him scan my room. It was small and pathetic. The corners made everything look smaller than it already is. The butter-colored walls draw nothing in his eyes and that was exactly what was on the walls and the furniture and the bed and the windows, NOTHING.

Yoshi: I like what you've done with the place... it's so...
Dame: Empty???

He was still sarcastic even when his eyes were all red and teary. I saw a grin appeared on his boyish little face. He looked at me with a smile but with tears pouring from his eyes.

Yoshi: You always do that.
Dame: What?
Yoshi: You make me laugh and cry at the same time.
Dame: What's the matter.
Yoshi: You are.
Dame: What?
Yoshi: Come home damey...

It was almost 2 years since i last saw those sincere eyes. He asked me to live with him if I wanted him to stay in Manila. He told me that it is too much of a risk to take a pass on that big job offer just to be with me and he is only willing to do it if he was really going to be with me. Those eyes were the same eyes that asked me to live with him 2 years ago and now how I wished I didn't.

Dame: You know that that would not solve anything.
Yoshi: I haven't asked you this before you left... is this what you really want?
Dame: Yes!
Yoshi: Then why haven't you told anybody?
Dame: Because you haven't told anybody...
Yoshi: Because I've always hoped that you would come back, because i know you would

He saw right though me. He saw right through my heart. I tried not to look back when i got my last pair of shoes from his condo unit, but he knew that my heart was not like that. He knew me very well, but i do not know him. For 3 years that we've been together i tried to figure out each word, each expression, each wink, each grin, each sigh, but i can't see through him.

Dame: Can't you see that I'm trying? I'm trying really hard! There are a million reasons to go back to the way we were. There are a million reasons to to hold on to what we have, but there is one reason that keeps me from coming home Yoshi.

I promised myself not to cry in front of him again. But he always makes me cry. He picks me up from a mess, he points out where i went wrong and he makes me feel helpless. Not now, not from this decision.

Dame: You always make me cry.