HummingBird Bakery (My First London Trip...Nostalgia)

the opening of the 2nd Hummingbird Bakery branch in London last year started my wild anticipation that i cant help but to keep my hands from my Fendi luggage bag and drag my ex-boyfriend's ass from his endless paper work and his consumed frantic mind, like he was trying to cure cancer or something, and got the cheapest ticket to Heathrow.

but that wasn't the only reason i wanted to go to London...

i met a guy the last time i've been to London while i was waiting for my ex-boyfriend to come back from a 5-day business trip to Manchester so I had to think of something that I could do so as not to rot inside the Arosfa Hotel for the next 5-days (if i were even there today, it would blow my brains out because i could clearly remember that it was a non-smoking hotel where a small part of London's fresh air still lingers... who cares about fresh air??? i need a puff!!! right now!!!)

i remember when my ex and i got out of the cab from Heathrow and went straight to Arosfa (my ex doesn't waste time... he already had everything planned... even my ever so boring 5-day wait...) We stayed in a single room, in which the bed seem to be really just for one person, as what was planned (ARGH!!!) which only costs us 55/night. We unpacked our things and early the next day he got straight to the airport to take the first flight to Manchester.

so i found myself in a small room... alone... and just decided to take a long bath to make time run a bit faster... after my 2 hour bath i realized it was only 10 in the morning... i couldn't help but to pick myself up from that miserable state and thought of going around Bloomsbury.

just as i stepped out of the hotel i felt my stomach rumbling, so i walked the short length of Gower street then around Chenies until i found the very first Tube in London that i was sure i was about to ride...

i stepped right in the subway and popped up the tickets my ex bought for us the moment we stepped out of the airport (talk about OCD!), i remembered that i took the subway near Goodge Street that was bound South of London.

i haven't had the feel of the ride when i noticed a guy in a pale blue sweatshirt, ragged blue jeans and worn out sneakers was staring at me. i was standing at the corner near the service entrance and he was sitting a couple of feet directly across me. he had deep blue eyes and dark blonde hair. he had a feel of a pure Englishman if it were not for the clothes that he's in.

he looked at me straight on and made sure i felt that there wasn't anybody he was looking at. i tried looking in another direction but his piercing stare just kept on tapping my peripheral view. scary thoughts rambled in my head and i kept on repeating in my mind that taking the tube all by myself was a bad idea.

the next stop seem to be a light at the end of a tunnel and my instinct told me to get off as fast as i could. the moment i stepped off the tube and on the platform. it was an intersection stop so i got in the other tube where i have no idea where its heading. i know that i'm gonna hate myself again for getting in another train, but might as well be out of harms way.

"Oxford Circus!" was the next stop that i heard from the speakers just above me, i thought ill just be picking out a nice name and get off at that station...

Bond Street... Marble Arch... Lancaster Gate... Queensway...

Notting Hill Gate...

the sound of the next stop sounded like ive heard it from some movie before so i decided to pick this one out and see whats outside this station. i went out for real air and saw myself in a normal street with rows of shops and residences that have the same architectural facade. different shades of pale colors are the only distinction of each establishment.

i turned to a street called Portobello Road which immediately transported me to a Mary Poppins theme place. i wished i brought with me an umbrella just to complete the aura.

people started to crowd most of the length of the road and i finally saw something i could do in London that i am certainly good at. SHOPPING!!!

there seem to be a market that stretches way to the end of the road. fresh meat are piled and hanged on little stalls to my left and right. Second-hand clothes with designer garments and vintage denim and leather line in a row at boutiques and there are food stalls with great bread and cheese, but the one that attracted me most are the antiques, or they seem to look antique, that are for sale.

there's this one specific shop that caught my eye as its sign was a clay or ceramic like teapot hanging in front of its door entrance. i went in and found myself in the middle of the most number of antiques i've seen in my entire life. it felt like i just came out of a time machine.

there were china porcelains with gold and silver engravings hanging on the wall. little jars and vases are lined up in a row under the paintings that hanged on the one wide yellowing wall. i could see vintage clothes on every corner that hangers could fit and brilliant chandeliers hovered on top of me. there were eerie looking busts, old wooden cabinets, animal wood carvings of pigeons, tortoises and cats, heavy wooden music boxes, a clock in a shape of an 6 pointed star hanging at the wall at the back of the cash register and low lighted lamps and shades that gave effect of age and authenticity.

but from all those remarkable items that i could have purchased i was intimately interested at the collection of old jewelry displayed inside a glass locker at the left corner of the store. there was this snake-like gold bracelet that has lost its shine because of age that i became infatuated with.

i asked the store merchant if i could take a look at the item and i immediately tried it on. it was perfect and when i glanced at its price tag i trembled a bit, poutted with disappointment and handed it back to the merchant.

"its a bit too expensive for me." i said and gave out a grin that was a mixture of disappointment and anticipation. the little trinket costs more than my whole stay here in London.

then a man just popped out from somewhere glided out behind me held my wrist just as im about to give back the bracelet to the merchant.

"i see you haven't been in these places before?" his question sounded like it was more of what he thought and not that he wanted answer for it. "bargaining is one thing you could exhaust here in Kensington."

i looked at his hand and my sight crawled from his pale blue sweatshirt to his deep blue eyes. it was the man from the train. i didn't move away from his grip as i was deep in my thoughts of figuring out how he managed to follow me here.

"my kind sir, maybe you could give this to my friend for 400 pounds" he magically pulled a credit card out of his sleeves and pushed it towards the counter with his left hand while his right still had the steady grip on my wrist.

the merchant frowned but took the card and was about to punched in the closed purchase.

"im sorry but i was just looking around. i wasn't really planning on buying anything." i crammed each word out of my mouth and used what little i learned from my aikido class and managed to get out from his grip.

"well, i was planning to buy that one for you." he stared at me like he was trying to tell me something. i stared back with a big question mark on my face and time seem to pass by so fast that the little bracelet was ready in a little box and was stuffed in a tiny paper bag.

"are you new here?" the tall blonde man asked me. i tried to look for a little hesitation from all his extravagant gesture but failed to find any.

"yes, just on vacation." i answered like a robot. "im sorry but who the hell are you?"

the question came out my mouth in the most foreign way he could ever get and i was hoping that he already got the idea that im just a tourist and wish he hates tourists from Asia.

"i never heard someone who could talk that fast. are you Australian?" he asked me back.

"no, i'm Asian. i'm sorry to be rude but i was just looking around and was really going to grab breakfast. i don't want to get into your morning." i said with a subtle sarcasm of wanting to be alone. " so if you don't mind ill be on my way."

"i know a great patisserie around the corner. its actually a french bakery lost in the middle of London, but there's a touch of UK in it. i think you'll like it" he pushed that insistent phrase that i realized that it wouldn't really hurt to go around London with a tour guide.

"you got me. ok. but first, whats your name and how come you've been following me around?" i demanded. " i saw you in the train and now you just happen to pop out from nowhere."

"im william." he held out his hand to shake mine and i gave him my ice cold palm." you really dont seem to like the weather here. i could imagine how much nice the weather is in the tropics."

we walked slowly towards that breakfast place he was talking about while i try to get the most out of my probing questions.

"so what do you do? where are you from here?" i thought the more questions i ask the more freaked out he will be.

"im just a simple IT guy here. i work with one of the .coms website. i live around the west side of central london. not far from here." he answered back but dosnt seem to be interested in anything about me.

we arrived in a place called The Hummingbird Bakery and with the looks of the place, i already knew that this breakfast is going to be a hefty one. The whole place was pink and when i got in i was flooded with baby colors. Blues and Reds and Yellows and a lot of Pink. I automatically remembered my boyfriend who was away for work and how much i wish that we shared this breakfast together, but all i got is this stranger that is getting stranger by the minute.

i ordered a banana cream pie and coffee and william just got himself a latte. by now i hurriedly went to the cash register to pay for our bill. he smiled and chuckled a bit when he saw me racing towards the end of the counter.

"you're funny guy. i havent got your name" that was the start of his endless questions the whole time we were having breakfast.

"im damianne. i came here with my boyfriend here in but he had some business in Manchester so i just decided to stay here rather than bore myself there." that sounded more that what he asked me but i figured maybe he would go away if he knows that i have a boyfriend.

"thats not so nice of him. leaving you here all alone. well, at least you get to go anywhere you want." he just kept that smile hanging over his face like he wanted to tell me something.

we talked about work. We talked about food. We talked about Manila and London. We talked for almost 2 hours and i realized that its almost noon.

"It has been a wonderful morning with you damianne. But i have to go now. Im meeting somebody for lunch." He stood up towering everybody in the bakery and scooped his bag and coat and stretched his hands towards me. I stood up realizing how pathetic my height is around him and compensated by shaking his hands with a tight grip.

I stayed for another round of those pies and added a milk shake with it. I promised myself that ill skipped lunch with a big breakfast that i had. I suddenly realized that all the while that i was alone there the little paper bag with the gold trinket was just sitting on the chair where william was seated a while ago.

I blew a deep sigh but was really thinking of running after william but i guess im not too familiar of the place and i don't want to bump with another stranger.

I went back to my hotel room and decided to wait for the next four days for my boyfriend to return. It was boring but i'd rather not get into another scne like that and inasmuch as i wanted to give the bracelet back to william i don't think its right if i would now be the one stalking him.

The rest of our trip to London ended up being nice and what i expected. When my boyfriend got back we stayed for another 2 days to go around and take pictures everywhere. I wore the bracelet the whole time we were going around London and my boyfriend doesnt seem to notice it was new.

A few days after we returned back in Manila, my boyfriend asked me about some misplaced calling card that he wasnt familiar with and that was out of his stack of calling cards.

"Do you know anybody who's a William Beckford?" he asked me while we were having dinner."I found this calling card from our luggages back in London and its in one of this little paper bag.

"Oh i guess thats the calling card of the shop where i got this bracelet i bought when you were away for work." i flinched a bit while trying to digest dinner.

"Hmmm... so you went around to shop without me?" he made a frown with his cute face and pinched my arm. "so what else did you see when i was away?"

"thats about it. i was kinda scared to go around that i might get lost or something." i said

"or something? hmmm... funny but the card says that william is working for a pornsite in london..." he said while putting a funny look on his face

"really??? hmmmm... maybe they put it in the bag as a flyer..." i answered back.

my boyfriend might have more questions in his head but after hearing that i've got all my questions answered...
Tags: damianne, gay, london, portobello road, hummingbird bakery, arosfa

Cold Nights in My Room

The way home from work was the usual 45-minute bus ride from alabang to makati. Things has been the usual things that graveyard shift. A couple of intercon meetings and a couple of movies from youtube. It was a cold morning when i stepped out of the bus and headed towards my pad.

The even colder air gushed out of my room when i pulled the door opened. I left the A/C on for the whole night and i shivered, wondering how much my electricity bill would come out the next time i get it.

I had a donut and milk for my meal and brushed my teeth before i slipped into my 3-day old boxers and climbed into bed to sleep.

**** My Little Uncanny Messenger ****

The room was cold and dark, but i could see thru amongst the outline of my small sanctuary. I felt i pulled my comforter too high that it failed to cover my feet. I could feel my toes shiver but i cant seem to let myself crunch them to keep some warm blood running thru my icy toes. I tried to reach the comforter but i cant move.

I CANT MOVE.

Then horrified by the view i saw when i tried looking at my feet, I saw a little man standing along the edge my bed. He was a little boy with a shaved head. I was wearing nothing but a brown cloth that covered his entire body.

He was waving at me. His hands and forearm beat like a metronome that was out of beat and it was waving fast and the slow.

Fast and then slow.

Terror rushed from my little toes, thru my spine, all the way at the back on my neck. I conjured a force to move my limp legs.

I kicked as hard as I could.

And then there was me. Lying on my bed. Catching my breath. I could hear my heart pounding. I got up and drank a glass of water. I went back to bed to sleep.


**** Don't Wake Me Up When I'm Sleeping ****

It was 3 months now since i've reoriented the position of my bed. The small window was just below my feet and my head is opposite the wooden cabinet in front of the bathroom door. I was feeling the chill of the A/C blowing against my toes and so I tucked myself further inside my comforter sheets.

I was awaken by a movement that I heard rather than felt. Slowly the sheets that covered me slipped ever so lightly pulling it to totally cover my body. I pulled back.

Someone is pulling my sheets from above my head.

I fought and pulled to keep my head exposed to the cold stagnant hair in my room. I saw small hands grabbing my sheets and pulling it. I immediately turned my head up to see what is pulling it and it was the little boy. He's still wearing his brown coat. My heart dropped from my bed when i realized that his neck doesn't have a head on top of it but just the pitch darkness that is suspended in my room. To my horror i closed my eyes and tried to wake up from that dream. The moment I opened them back the pulling stopped, the little boy was gone and I have to get up and open the lights to guard me while I sleep.


**** I Swear I Was Not With Anyone ****

A month had passed when Ive put back my bed to its original position. I was now facing the tube when i lay down my bed. I slept most of the mornings together with the soft rumbling of the A/C.

My roommate got home later than I did and found me asleep.

He went straight to bed without taking off his work clothes.

10 minutes has passed when the door suddenly opened and closed. My roommate was awoken by the thudding sound and got up to brush his teeth and he made sure that the doors were locked.

"Hey, You should tell your boys to at least say goodbye before leaving." He made a comment while i was trying to understand what he was saying.

"What?" I asked.

"I said, The next time you're going to bring a guy over, tell him he might at least lock the door when he's gonna leave" the peculiar sarcasm made me realize that it was really my roommate who's talking.

"What guy? I was sleeping here alone." Slowly i swallowed my words and froze in front of my roommate.

"Yeah right. There was this guy beside you when I got in. He was lying on his tummy so I didn't exactly saw his face." he insisted. "He had a shaved head. You know, you've been bringing over too many guys that you don't remember any of them."

"Dude! I'm fucking serious... I was alone the whole night...What the hell are you talking about?" I exclaimed.

We both looked at each other for a while... It was one of those looks that wanted some answers...

Safe in Your Arms

"safe in my arms..." it repeats itself over and over inside my head, as i try to cover myself with my arms. i wrapped them around myself tight, just to keep me warm. it was a cold and damped morning. i just got off the bus, just finished my shift at work and was trying to look for cover as morning dew slowly trickle from above.

i ran as fast as i could to get to my building. drops of the morning dew settled on my cheeks and nose as i saw myself on the mirror right in front of the elevator door.

the door opened and i realized that i was the only one inside.

"my unit is 27-N... its a left turn when u step out of the elevator" i read the phone message i got from him as i opened my eyes to see that I'm inside a very unfamiliar elevator and a very unfamiliar place.

the door opened and i slowly followed a small corridor towards room 27-N.

i clicked the doorbell and he opened the door.

he was the same. he looked the same. more hair, but still the same. he was wearing just a pair of boxer shorts and was holding a glass of vodka.

"would you want a glass?" he offered, but i refused and went to the couch to make myself comfortable.

"you know i don't drink vodka... i hate it!" i smirked. i looked into his half sober eyes and decided to just pour it all out

"i cannot do this anymore, yoshi..." the words just came out of me without knowing that i even began speaking.

i saw his hands began to tremble and his glass of vodka was shaking but he tried to make it so subtle. he wanted to say something but cant let the words out. he slowly walked towards me and lifted me up from my seat and wrapped his arms around me.

i could hear the glass of vodka behind me while the ice cubes tinkles in it. i pushed him and looked away, hoping that he did not notice that my eyes are starting to fill up with tears.

"this is not working for me yoshi... we are not working!" i said with a tremble in each word.

life for me made a big turn when i first met him. he made me believe that life could be perfect. the first time he held my hands inside the dark and cold movie house seem to define what i felt as safe and loved.

but nothing seem to stay as perfect as it is... when i thought i got all that i wanted... when i thought that everything i needed was right in front of me, just within my reach... everything that i thought i needed and wanted was destroying all that i believed to be real.

"do you love me?" i asked him. at this point the first tear rolled on my cheeks and it burned my numb skin.

"words don't come easy to me dame. it doesn't work for me that way. i don't have any word to describe how i feel for you." he wanted me to stay with the words that he uttered. "i cannot find a way to say more of what i mean."

"so let me feel it... i want to feel you yoshi. why cant i feel any of it?" i screamed and screamed while i held his shoulders and try to shook him hoping that i could get anything that's tangible out the words that he kept on telling me. "give me what i need yoshi. its not much. you know its not much. i need to know if you love me... or if you ever loved me at all..."

my voice started to shrink as i lost control of my stance and drifted to a crazy sob as i sat on the floor, in front of him. teardrops slowly covered the marble-cast floor of our apartment. i remembered the times when we would make love on that very floor. it was damped with our sweat before but now all that covers it are my tears.

"say something!" i mustered everything that's left of my breath to get something out of his insensitive heart.

"come here baby..." he lifted me again from the desperation where i was and guided me to our room. "you need this..."

he held out his glass of vodka but i turned my head away.it's as if he wasn't hearing me at all. it's as if i was just a ghost trying to escape of the plane of the dead.

he placed the the glass of alcohol on top of the bedside table and held my arm tight. I looked straight through his eyes. it was starting to fill up. a moment there i was transported to a dark place with just him and i standing in a void of nothing. no air. no light. no warmth. no love.

he pulled me close and gave me the embrace i haven't felt for almost 2 years. i tried to inhale the vacuum that enclosed us but nothing sustained my breathing. his warmth didn't flowed thru my heart... i wanted to feel him but i was already so numb of crying.

"i came to tell you... i'm going to get some of my things." i pushed myself away and he grabbed his vodka and walked outside of the room.

**** CRASH ****

i ran outside and saw a shattered glass scattered on the floor.

"i'm sorry dame..." he whispered and lifelessly sat down the living room sofa.

"i'm sorry..."

a vivid past and blurry future...

Jo: I had a cold last week. I'm sorry I wasn't able to reply to your messages.

Dame: That's OK. I was just a bit worried.

Jo: Do you want me to come over?

Dame: Yeah sure. But you better be ready how boring it will be when you get here. I'm kinda drowning of boredom already.

Jo: Maybe we could just take a walk outside. Look at the stars?

That sounded very weird, but i went out of my way of what's obvious and took a peek outside to see if there really were stars to look at. I chuckled when I saw what I expected... NONE.

Dame: Yeah we could think of something when you get here.

Jo: OK i'll be on my way in 15 minutes.

I met him at school after one of my class. I was cramming to get one of my reports printed so I looked for a computer shop around. He was seated in one of the rented desktop. We bumped into each other when we were both about to pay at the cashier. He introduced himself and told me that he lives in the same building. I was not paying much attention because i was too occupied in printing my late paper, but we exchanged digits just before i ran to catch my professor.

It had been 2 weeks since that first meet up and I don't have any idea why i felt too excited in seeing him again.

Time seemed to run fast when i received a message that he's already at the lobby and was waiting for me. I grabbed my keys and phone and hurriedly went to the elevator to meet him outside.

Dame: Hey you.

Jo: Hi. So where do you want to go?

Dame: It's Monday morning. I have no idea where we could hang out.

Jo: We could go to my place. There's a bar there where we could just have a few drinks.

My mind was blank for a moment.

Dame: I've got an idea.

I grabbed his arm and led him to the street corner and I hailed a cab.

Jo: Where are we going?

Dame: Don't ask. It's going to be good. Trust me.

I grinned a little.

The driver dropped us off Salcedo Park. I lived in one of the flats around that park before. It still has the nostalgic feeling of solitude and calm. The yellow light that poured from the light posts around the park drowned me with so much of the past that i had to pause to get my self ready.

Jo: This is nice.

Dame: I used to live around here. I usually wake up early in the morning to jog around. It's funny because usually this place is filled with dogs that the tenants walk around.

Jo: Lets go to that bench.

We comfortably sat on the bench at the middle of the park.

Time began to tick slowly. The air around us swirled in slow motion that i noticed each speck of dust fly by, dancing to a slow beat. Small talk was the only thing that came between us but it seem that it was the only thing that we need at that time. We had our keys, wallet and phone placed in between us on the bench but he suddenly gathered them and placed them on top of the back rest of the seat to make room.

Jo: Do you want to rest your head on my lap?

He said and I froze.

Dame: No.

But my body did the contrary and lay down on his lap. The stone bench was cold but I haven't felt warmer than ever. He started singing a song i haven't heard before.

Jo: Do you know that song?

Dame: No. I'm sorry but it sounds nice.

His face blocked most on my sight of the sky. There were still stars early that morning and I thought that the moment was perfect.

Jo: Hey. Tell me something.

Dame: I don't know what to say.

Jo: Ask me anything.

I wanted to ask him why he hadn't messaged me until now. It has been 2 weeks. I wanted to ask him if he were seeing somebody else but it doesn't seem appropriate. I wanted to know but I couldn't gather my courage to ask.

Dame: I don't know what to ask. You ask my anything.

Jo: Why haven't you messaged me? I thought you weren't interested.

My heart leaped again. He was thinking the same thoughts that I have.

Dame: I don't know. I was busy with work and school. Were you waiting for my message?

Jo: Yes I was. It's been two weeks. Were you seeing some one else then?

It's like he's reading what was in my mind.

Dame: No. Were you?

Jo: No. Just waiting for you.

who hates ice cream???

The cab pulled around the rotunda parking in front of the building entrance. I was late. I ran passed the two security guards and went right in the first elevator that was about to open.

BAM!!!

Dame: I'm sorry.

As i turned around i had a glimpse of a tall man in gray sweatshirt before ii pushed the button number 25 for my floor.

************************

I scrambled out of my bed and went straight to the bathroom to take the quickest shower I could do.

LATE!

AGAIN!

I found myself running up the escalators 15 minutes later. I sometimes surprise myself. I walked in my Business Law class finding out that the professor was a Dean of some remote school.

Prof: Please fill out the class form Mr... ?

Dame: Gonzalez. Engineer Gonzalez.

It was our first meeting in this class. Everybody introduced themselves. Some were obviously way older than I am, some not so old but pretty much have a background of this subject. While I am oblivious of what an Engineering Graduate is doing here taking Law Courses.

The whole 3hours and 15 minutes was grueling. It was cold. The professor kept on talking and talking about stuff, half of it I didn't even bother understanding, while everybody seem amazed of his wisdom. To make it worse, my bladder is about to explode and since I'm late I didn't have the courage to ask permission to go out.

The bell rang and swiftly as i got out of bed 4 hours ago, I dashed outside and straight to the bathroom.

Clarence: HEY!!!

Dame: Oh I'm sorry...

Clarence: So you're like that all the time huh?

Dame: Huh? What?

I didn't had time digesting what he said. I went straight to the cubicle and unzipped my pants. While I unloaded all the piss in my bladder I suddenly remembered him. I quickly fixed myself and tried to run after him. I needed to apologize.

I saw him went inside the lift and so i tried to catch up and crammed myself in.

Dame: You're my classmate in Business Law, right?

Clarence: Yes

Dame: I'm sorry the last time and this time. I forgot all about it.

Clarence: Well it seems that that's not the only thing you forgot.

He looked straight at my crotch and I noticed that I left my fly open.

BLUSH!!!

Most of my classmates in the elevator saw and held in the most obvious giggle and tried to keep the subtle burst of laughter to themselves.

Dame: I think we're even.

I held out my hand and gestured for a handshake.

Clarence: You sure you washed after?

Another subtle burst came inside the elevator.

Dame: Now you owe me.

The door opened and I got out as quickly as I could and walked towards the building lobby.

Clarence: Hey! Wait up. I'm sorry.

Dame: Nah! That's Ok. I Think I deserve that.

Clarence: Well, since I owe you. You want to grab something to eat? I know this persian resto that has the best shawarma in the city.

Dame: I don't usually go out with strangers.

Clarence: Well I guess I have to take a risk and shake your hand. I'm Clarence. This is my second year in Business School.

Dame: Damianne. It's only my second term.

I reached for his hand and an hour later we were eating at this persian restaurant and I'm having the best ground lamb I've had in years.

**************************

****

Clarence: Tell me. What food can't you live without?

I got a text message from him five days after we first introduced ourselves.

Dame: I don't know... I think "ICE CREAM"?

Clarence: Great! It just so happen that I have two pints here at home.

Dame: Nah! It's late and I have work tomorrow.

Clarence: What do you mean it's late? It's only 8pm. Come on. I don't want to finish this all by myself.

Dame: Ok... Ok... I'll be there in 15 minutes.

He lives four blocks away from my place. I was nearing his building when I saw him waiting at the corner.

Dame: What are you doing outside?

Clarence: I changed my mind. I wanted to have dinner. Come on.

Dame: But I already had dinner.

Clarence: Well, we'll think of something to eat.

He suddenly grabbed my hand and hailed a cab.

We ate at a resto-bar in Makati. He ordered a lot and finished everything. I ordered ice cream which came out to be too much for me so I asked him if he could help me finish it.

Clarence: No. That's for you. You love ice cream right?

Dame: I do. But i'm already full. I could finish a whole gallon but not this fast. I usually eat slowly while watching Sex and the City Marathon.

He gave a roaring laugh. I didn't understand why he did that. There's nothing funny in what I said.

Clarence: Alright.

We digged in and finished the serving.

*****************************

Clarence: I got ice cream! Wanna come over?

Dame: I had dinner already.

Clarence: I said ice cream.

Dame: You stay there ok. I'll come over.

I don't know if it's the ice cream or the thought of seeing him again which excites me.

I trembled a bit, going up in his room. The smell of vanilla scent filled the air. I knocked three times and he opened the door.

Clarence: Hi. I got DVDs.

Dame: Great!

We ate ice cream while watching Brothers and Sisters. I was starting to feel cold with all the ice cream and the breeze of the AC chilling the air around us. He slid his hands at my nape and started massaging the back of my neck. It felt warm and safe.

Clarence: I'm going to the bathroom. Be right back.

And he kissed my forehead.

??????

He left me wondering what that meant. I didn't know what to think.

Dame: Ummmm... Clarence. Where's the remote?

Clarence: It's in the drawer beside you.

I pulled the drawer and saw the remote and a picture in a frame. It was Clarence carrying a baby and if I was not mistaken, looks totally like him. Beside him is a woman, around his age, hugging him and the baby.

I was thrown into a state of intense desperation, of sudden panic. I didn't know what to do or what to think.

He came back as soon as I shut closed the drawer.

Clarence: Did you find it?

Dame: Huh? What?

Clarence: The remote.

Dame: Oh yeah. I did.

I needed to ask. I needed to know.

Dame: I need to go home. It's late. Have work early tomorrow.

Clarence: Huh?

I grabbed my keys and rushed towards the door. He caught my arm on my way out and pulled me to his chest and hugged me tight.

Clarence: I'll see you in class on Monday.

*******************************

Monday Business class was just an hour away. I felt tensed not because i hated the subject but because i'm about to see Clarence again. I was 15 minutes late as usual and the class already had started.

Clarence: I wanted to write your name in our group but i think somebody already did.

Dame: Ummmm... Thank you?

He grinned and picked a seat that would be at far proximity from me. I got annoyed by that. The whole 3hours of class was excruciating. The professor was blabbering the whole time and all I did was to take momentary glimpses of Clarence. He had this deep groany laugh that vibrated and crept through the floor. It excited me and at the same time depressed me.

Finally the class came to an end and I noticed a girl waiting outside the room. Sure enough I knew who she was. She looked very familiar. She looked like the woman in the picture. I had to know who she is. I had to go there and ask her.

I waited for Clarence to get up his seat and hed towards the door and then i slipped passed him and tried as hard as i could to intentionally bump him.

Dame: Oooops. Excuse me.

Clarence: Hey! That's just like you when you left the other night.

Dame: I'm sorry.

The girl went up to us and smiled

Clarence: Dame. This is my sister Nikka.

Nikka: Hi Dame.

It's like the gates of heaven shone above me and I swear I could almost hear the angels sing.

Nikka: I haven't had dinner bro. Let's grab something to eat.

She looked at me and paused.

Nikka: Hey Dame. You wanna join us for dinner?

Dame: Sure.

I hated myself for answering too fast to her invite. I hoped it wasn't that obvious.

Dame: Ummm... And let's have ice cream after. Right Clarence?!

Nikka: Hahahaha... Bro doesn't eat ice cream. He hates it. Hahaha.

Her laughter lingered for a while in my ears but what stuck in my head was...

"HE HATES ICE CREAM...???"

taking care of my grandmum...

it's been a while since i last went home... i've been busy with a lot of work and school... but i finally decided to visit... i found my little sister and my grandmum there... grandmum has been bed ridden for almost 6 months now since she had a minor accident when she slipped and cracked her pelvic bone... for a person in her 20's the healing process of a broken bone takes much faster but my grandmum is 89 years old and it took 3 months in intensive care and a major operation to fix the broken pelvis... the doctor said what they usually do is to patch the bone with titanium alloy and that's what they did...

i didn't realize how much reality those TV series about doctors were happening inl life until that time... my family have been through really rough times but this one beats them all... becuase it's my grandmum that we are talking about...

i saw her lying on her side...

dame: lola... i'm home...

gran: alex ¿está eso usted?

dame: si

gran: ¿puede usted conseguirme el agua?

dame: si

i saw her reaching for something and so i took her hand... it was still the soft hands that i could remember who pats me on the back when i was a little boy... they were still the hands that held my nape so i could go to a sound sleep... her voice still is the sound that comforts me in my childhood... it seems that she's still my beautiful old grandmum but seems to be so different now...

dame: abuela. aquí está el agua.

gran: garcias.

i went to the kitchen and prepared a food for the both of us and as i ate i also fed her slowly while i told her everything that happened to my life that she missed... i wanted it to feel like what it felt before... a time not that far back... when all of us would sit around the table and eat and talk about everything that happen in our lives... it was like i'm reading to her my blog everyday... and she remembers everything i tell her... from the stories about school to the petty fights i had with crazy classmates... her bed was totally different... she might not remember anything i said... but it felt exactly the same...

dame: lola. le daré un baño.

she smiled. i prepared a basin of hot water with alcohol and a sponge. i tried to remember how she did it when i was young. while i kept on running around the bathroom butt naked while she tried to catch me and keep me still. i tried to remember how she would softly rub my back and sud my hair with shampoo. i remembered how she did it and now it's time for me to give back the favor... not because she did a great job before... not because she can't do it herself... but because for the very same reason she gave me a bath everyday when i was little... she loved me and i love her...